“You miss 100% of the shots shots shots shots shots shots you don’t take.” – Lil Jon
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It’s that time again. The Empire Medical Tournament Challenge is back to ruin your life quicker than the kiss-cam at a Coldplay concert.
Last year we learned two important things:
- All four #1 seeds CAN make the final four
- Cinderella stories are officially dead in the NIL era
Think we’re wrong, let’s run it back. If you’ve ever wanted to turn blind optimism, questionable basketball knowledge, and extreme confidence into glory, this is your moment…Viva La Vida!
What is a bracket challenge?
The NCAA Division I men’s basketball tournament starts with a bracket of 68 teams. Before the games begin, you can try your hand at predicting the winner for each one of the 67 games. As the games progress, you’ll get points for every winner you picked correctly. The deeper you go into the tournament, the more points the games are worth — meaning your bracket can be brilliant early and still implode spectacularly later (which it will). At the end of the tournament, the player with the most points wins. With 147 quintillion possible outcomes, the odds of picking the winners of all 67 games is 1 in 9.2 quintillion.
For reference, that’s about the same odds as:
- A Zoom meeting where nobody says “Can you see my screen?”
- That “unsubscribe” button actually working
- An email that starts with “Quick question” actually being quick
- “Per my last email” being meant sincerely
- A meeting that could’ve been an email actually being sent as an email
So yes — the odds are long, but someone must win. Why not you?
Option 1
The Empire Strategy Guide If you want a competitive edge, consider the following advanced analytics:
- Pick a 12 seed to beat a 5 seed. This is not analysis. It is tradition.
- Choose at least one team because their logo looks cool. This method regularly outperforms leading basketball pundits.
- Do not attempt to be too clever. This strategy fails more often than it succeeds.
- Understand this fundamental truth: March Madness exists primarily to destroy your hopes and dreams.
- Most importantly, whatever you do, don’t be this guy:
Option 2
The Bill Cosby Strategy Guide On the other hand, if you want to throw caution to the wind and risk it all:
- Pick sleepers.
- Pick more sleepers.
- Only pick sleepers.
How to Play
Entry is completely FREE. You will have to sign up for an ESPN account if you do not already have one. Selection Sunday is March 15th at 6PM EST. Mark your calendar and make sure to fill out your bracket. Brackets are only open for a limited time, and like a bottle of baby oil at a Diddy party, it won’t last long.
Instructions:
- One entry per person
- Join our group| HERE
- Sign in or create an ESPN account
- Click “Create a Bracket Now!”
- Bracket Name = Company Name – Location – Initials (Example: Empire Medical – Medford – CE)
- In “Group Password” field enter: Bigwinner26
- Fill out your bracket before the first game tips off
- Watch your championship pick lose in round one
- Pretend that was part of the strategy
1st Place Prizes:
- A fully catered lunch for your office (because victory tastes better when shared)
- Two Empire-logoed YETI water bottles
- Empire merch
2nd Place Prizes:
- A framed headshot of any Empire employee of your choice, lovingly inscribed: “To the First and Best Loser”
- One Empire-logoed YETI water bottle
- Empire merch
About Chris Empio
