“You miss 100% of the shots shots shots shots shots shots you don’t take.” – Lil Jon
That’s right boys and girls, the Empire Medical Tournament Challenge is back like eczema. Don’t miss your shot at generational wealth. Truth is, the cash prize is the same, but due to inflation it’s just not the life changing windfall it was years previously. The upside is you’re 99% likely to lose anyway.
What is a bracket challenge?
The NCAA Division I men’s basketball tournament starts with a bracket of 68 teams. Before the games begin, you can try your hand at predicting the winner for each one of the 67 games. As the games progress, you’ll get points for every winner you picked correctly. Those points increase every round (games in the second round are worth twice as much as games in the first round, and so on). At the end of the tournament, the player with the most points wins. FYI: With 147 quintillion possible outcomes, picking the winners of all 67 games in the annual NCAA basketball tournament is nearly impossible. For all you Lloyd Christmas types out there who believe there’s a chance, here’s the TL/DR version of the odds of a perfect NCAA bracket: 1 in 9,223,372,036,854,775,808.
The statistic above is based on purely guessing or using a coin flip to determine winners, but your methodology is entirely up to you. Instead of flipping a sixpence you may choose to taking a deep dive into team stats, reading tarot cards, or watching any of the following basketball documentaries:
- 17 Again
- The Cable Guy
- Along Came Polly
- Escape From L.A.
- The Expendables
- Alien: Resurrection
- Teen Wolf
- Good Will Hunting
- O (a modern adaptation of William Shakespeare’s Othello)
Statistics have shown a little basketball IQ seasoned with a healthy dusting of Adderall may in fact increase your odds of a perfect bracket to 1 in 120.2 billion! We’re really not meaning to be facetious, we understand everyone has dreams, it just so happens our dream is to crush yours. Data can be ruthless sometimes, so in an effort to lift your spirits we’ve compiled a fun list of events you’re more likely to experience than a perfect bracket:
- winning an olympic medal
- being saved by CPR
- killed by a meteorite impact
- bowling a perfect game
- perfect SAT score
- food poisoning
- lead poisoning
- getting into Harvard
- becoming a bone marrow donor
- becoming an astronaut
- being ambidextrous
- cracking open a double-yolked egg
- crushed by falling furniture
- murked by bees
- catching a shiny Pokemon
- alien life
- being born
How to Play
Entry is completely FREE. Please encourage your coworkers to join the competition as it will increase the odds of your office winning the bonus prize. You will have to sign up for an ESPN account if you do not already have one. Selection Sunday is March 17 at 7PM EST. Mark your calendar and make sure to fill out your bracket. Brackets are only open for a limited time, and just like your deadbeat dad, once it goes out for cigarettes, it ain’t coming back.
Rules: (see instructions)
- One entry per person
- Taunting, belittling, slandering, insulting, mocking, goading, and ridiculing other contestants is not only encouraged, but may also result in bonus points
Prizes (Winner-Take-All):
- $200 cash prize
- 36oz Yeti Water Bottle
- Signed Head Shot Photo of Empire Employee of your Choice
Bonus Prize:
The office (company + location) that has the most total points will receive a lunch delivered to your door!
Instructions:
- Join our group| HERE
- Sign in or create an ESPN account
- Click “Create a Bracket Now!”
- Bracket Name – Company Name + Location + Initials (Example: Empire – Medford – CE)
- In “Group Password” field enter: Bigwinner24
About Chris Empio
